Star Trek V A Big Bang Reboot
by Tomasina
Summary: The campfire scene from Star Trek V with a twist. crossover selection options are limited, please forgive any confusion from story description. Still funny even if haven't seen STV, not so good if you've never seen Big Bang


**Looks like I'll be too busy this weekend to finish Sheld'iliad, but my rule is I have to finish at leat one thing a week. So here's a fun one-shot. Only one sentance in here is original to me but it's amazing the fun you can have with cut and paste. Enjoy!**

**Star Trek V- A Big Bang Reboot**

EXTERIOR YOSEMITE - CAMPSITE - NIGHT

_McCoy stands over a blazing campfire. A covered pot simmers on the coals. McCoy rings a triangle. He's slightly tipsy._

MCCOY

_calling out_

Come and get it! Come and get it!

_Camera pulls back to reveal Kirk and Spock seated two feet away._

KIRK

Knock it.. knock it... Bones... Bones.. knock it off. We're right here. And we're starving.

_McCoy grins and crouches beside the covered pot. He revels in their undivided attention. With a flourish, he whips the lid off the pot to reveal a steaming mess of beans._

SPOCK

Bi-podal seeds, Doctor?

McCOY

Beans, Spock. But no ordinary beans. These are from an old Southern recipe handed down to me by my father. And if you stick your Vulcan nose up at these, you're not only insulting me, but generations of McCoys.

_McCoy ladles out the beans._

SPOCK

In that case, I have little choice but to sample your... beans.

_Kirk tears into his. Spock tries a forkful. He finds the taste strangely exciting._

SPOCK

_continuing_

Mmmm. Surprisingly good. It does have a flavoring I'm not familiar with.

MCCOY

Ah, that's the secret ingredient.

_Spock eats with enthusiasm._

KIRK

You got any more of that secret ingredient, Bones?

MCCOY

Be my guest.

KIRK

Thank you.

_McCoy grins and pulls out a bottle of bourbon. Spock stops in mid-chew and McCoy fills Kirk's cup._

SPOCK

Am I to understand that your secret ingredient is.. alcohol?

MCCOY

Whiskey. Tennessee whiskey, Spock. You care for a little snort?

KIRK

Bourbon and beans, an explosive combination.

_McCoy laughs_

Think Spock can handle it?

MCCOY

Are you kidding? With that Vulcan metabolism, he could eat a bowl of termites and it wouldn't bother him.

SPOCK

As you are so fond of pointing out, Doctor, I am half human.

MCCOY

Well, it certainly doesn't show.

SPOCK

Thank you.

MCCOY

How do you like that - this guy never changes. I insult him and he takes it as a compliment.

_drinks from bottle_

Mmmm.

KIRK

_drinks from cup_

Ahhh.

MCCOY

You know, you two could drive a man to drink.

KIRK

_innocent_

What did I do?

MCCOY

What did you do? You really piss me off, Jim. Human life is far too precious to risk crazy stunts. Maybe it didn't cross that macho mind of yours, but you should've been killed when you fell off that mountain.

KIRK

It crossed my mind.

MCCOY

And?

KIRK

And, even as I fell, I knew I wouldn't die.

MCCOY

_nodding at Spock_

Oh? I thought he was the only one who's immortal.

KIRK

Oh, no. It isn't that. I knew I wouldn't die because the two of you were with me.

SPOCK

I don't understand.

KIRK

_darkly_

I've always known... I'll die alone.

MCCOY

_frowning_

Well, I'll call Valhalla and have them reserve a room for you.

_shaking his head_

It's a mystery to me what draws us together. All that time in space- getting on each other's nerves. And what do we do when shore leave comes along?

_laughs_

We spend it together. Other people have families.

KIRK

_wistful_

Other people, Bones. Not us.

_They dwell on this thought for a moment. Then, Kirk notices that Spock has removed a sack from his backpack._ _Spock reaches into the sack and takes out a marshmallow which he attaches to the end of a pointed stick._

KIRK

What are you doing?

SPOCK

I am preparing to toast a marsh melon.

KIRK

Marsh melon?

_Kirk and McCoy hide their smiles as Spock_ holds the marshmallow over the fire.

MCCOY

Well, I'll be damned. A marsh melon. Where'd you learn to do that?

SPOCK

Before leaving the ship, I consulted the computer library to familiarize myself with the customs associated with "camping out."

_Kirk and McCoy play along, amused by Spock's dead serious approach to frivolity._

MCCOY

Well, tell me, Spock. What do you do after we toast the marsh - er, marsh melons?

SPOCK

We consume them.

MCCOY

I know we consume them. I mean after that.

SPOCK

Oh. I believe we are required to engage in a ritual known as the sing-along.

KIRK

That's great! I haven't sung around a campfire since I was a boy in Iowa. What are we going to sing? What... Bones, what are we going to sing?

MCCOY

_thinking_

How about "Camptown Races"?

KIRK

"Pack Up Your Troubles."

SPOCK

Are we leaving, Captain?

MCCOY

It's a song title, Spock.

KIRK

"Moon Over Rigel Seven"?

MCCOY

_sings_

"Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty..."

KIRK

"Soft Kitty"... I love "Soft..."

_to Spock_

Do - do you know "Soft kitty, purr, purr, purr- happy kitty?"

SPOCK

That song did not come up in my research, Captain.

KIRK

The lyrics are - are very simple. It's, er, "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.." The doctor and I will start it off, and then when we give you the signal, you jump in.

_to McCoy_

Doctor, if you please.

McCoy takes a hit of booze and clears his throat.

MCCOY

Don't say I didn't warn you.

_McCoy starts to sing. Kirk joins in. Maybe it's the bourbon, but the two of them sound pretty good._

KIRK & MCCOY

_overlapping_

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… Happy kitty, sleepy kitty… Purr, purr, purr.."

_They signal Spock that it is his turn to jump in but the Vulcan merely regards them quizzically. The sing-along_ grinds to a halt.

MCCOY

_sings_

...Purr, purr...

KIRK

Come on, Spock. Why didn't you jump in?

SPOCK

I was trying to comprehend the meaning of the words.

MCCOY

_loosing patience_

It's a song, you green-blooded... Vulcan. You sing it! The words aren't important. What's important is that you have a good time singing it.

SPOCK

_sincere_

Oh. I am sorry, Doctor. Were we having a good time?

MCCOY

_giving up_

God, I liked him better before he died.

KIRK

All right, all right, let's call it a night, will ya?

MCCOY

_overlapping_

He just keeps after it.

KIRK

Let's go to bed and just let's get some sleep.

_They prepare for bed._

LONG SHOT - CAMPSITE

_Under a twinkling sky the three men sit around the campfire. Faint night sounds. Crickets. An owl. Then..._

SPOCK

_troubled_

Captain?

KIRK

Spock, we're on leave. You can call me Jim.

SPOCK

Jim.

KIRK

Yes, Spock?

SPOCK

My mother never sang me "Soft Kitty".

KIRK

_with a sigh_

Go to sleep, Spock.

SPOCK

Yes, Captain.

KIRK

Goodnight, Bones.

McCOY

_sighs_

Goodnight, Jim.

_They all lie down._

KIRK

Goodnight, Spock.

SPOCK

Goodnight, Doctor.

MCCOY

Goodnight, Spock!

SPOCK

Goodnight, Jim.

MCCOY

_sighs_

I don't know. I just don't know.

**Ah, YouTube. If I was initiated into the inner mysteries of track synchs and dubbing this would be SO over you.**


End file.
